“Drinking and smoking and having sex with other people’s wives and all those things—they are bad, bad behaviors. But it’s all done with fabulous clothes and lighting and excellent music, and that makes for a really sexy show. Being bad is sexy.”

Christina Hendricks. who plays Joan Holloway on Madmen

Joan isn't a Marilyn, Marilyn is a Joan

It’s no secret that I have a Mad Men sized crush on Joan Holloway, my icon of officious office lusciousness that two decades of television has not yet seen. When the guys at Sterling Cooper Ad Agency debated whether she was a ‘Jackie’ or a ‘Marilyn,’ they concurred that “Joan wasn’t a Marilyn, Marilyn was a Joan”  (as in Monroe for the Millennials out there). I am sure that if I were in the same office as Ms. Holloway, that I would not get a lick of work done, as I would study her like a rare and delightful species to try and indentify her particular brand of voodoo and why it works so spectacularly on the opposite sex. After the hoochiness of The Hills, the ludicrously overrated Kardashian clan of nitwits (all curves, no brains), young Hollywood’s sniping nest of narcissists, the insipid Real Housewives of…..Series, and their “really real” parade of silicon-enhanced body parts and perennial bitch-fest, it’s nice to see a depiction of a time when things were just a little more sublime, classy and downright sensual. Joan Holloway knows that to have a figure of such Amazonian proportions, you have to earn ‘em the old-fashioned way, one pork loin and bon-bon at a time, and that a casual glance held 5 seconds too long caused more collateral damage than any lap dance could.  “Calgon take me away” to an era of pure style and seduction, so I can live vicariously through the lives of entire cast of Mad Men: style setters and arbiters of timeless taste. No one dresses more appropriately for the game of cat and mouse that occurs between men and women: at the office, at the bar, and in the bedroom, than these folks.

Try and envision a time when simmering sexuality, restraint, the suggestive power of the double entendre, the fine art of flirting (and the requisite fashion that goes with it) was de rigueur. Figure worshipping sheaths that unearth your inner bombshell, and go from day to dinner (and even special occasion with amped up accessories) were part of every woman’s wardrobe (reference the LBD staple that we all rely upon). As Roger Sterling (principal of Sterling Cooper) opined about Ms. Holloways particular mojo: “you sail through this office like a cruise ship, with all eyes riveted on you.” She’s not showing a lot of skin, but the way she moves in her dresses, (the restrictive glamour of the pencil sheath creating that predatory “one foot in front of the other hip sway”) captures the imagination of every red-blooded male in the office. She slays all obstacles in her path. Joan knows better than the ad men she works with (who spin that elusive American consumer dream), that it’s not about the reality it’s about the possibilities. Ahh, the power of the femme fatale, and fashion in general. Because as every good ad man knows, you don’t sell the steak, you sell the sizzle. And sizzle is merely suggested, never revealed.

That said, there are a few brands out there that are channeling our girl Joan and giving all of us gals, curvy or not, a chance to make a day at the office more intoxicating, a date night more sublime, worship what you’ve got, and hide what you’ve not. Some of the standouts:

Banana Republic:

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Banana Republics new series of day to dinner “Mad About Style” dresses in partnership with the Mad Men series, takes you back to the Camelot years when all you needed to accessorize your dress was an icy martini, a raised eyebrow and perfectly applied lipstick. The 60’s-era sheaths are edited, fitted, structured, stretchy, comfortable, and about as va-va-voom as you can get away with in the 9-5 timeslot. Slip one on, and inject a little dash of Joan to better rule that boardroom. After you rattle all the men, head out for a few cocktails with the office movers and shakers (where all the deals really happen). We know you’re a closer, so get your deals done a little more quickly in one of these numbers.  Whether you are a Peggy Olson, a Joan Holloway, a Marilyn Monroe, or just a hardworking, fast talking career girl, these dresses work for bridal pre-events, cocktails, rehearsal dinners, hot dates and big “game day” pitches.Talk about versatility -  best of all, prices are recession friendly starting at $120. http://bit.ly/14b26v

J Crew

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Yes, they’ve got that sheath action going on, and with a vengeance. Everything I’ve said previously happens here but with a little more structure in all the right places. Add a big crazy pin and a string of pearls, expertly applied red lipstick, a martini, and lady, you are dressed. Each dress works for bridal pre-events, cocktails and rehearsal dinners. Prices start at $168.

http://bit.ly/76RL1

Extra Credit

Joan Holloway: Watch and Learn

http://bit.ly/hboTJ

http://bit.ly/71B7i

Readers

Are you or do you know a designer that understands that the sizzle is far more exciting than the steak? Can you show us what Mad Men style means to you and can you give us a link or send us your work we can share it with our community? We’re ready to be shaken and stirred by your creativity!

Indie Designers

Bring it on: Jewelry, apparel, handbags, shoes, grooms gear! We want to showcase your fabulous creations and help you rock your runway. Send us pix of your bridal gowns (any genre), bridesmaid, pre-event, mother of the bride, and grooms gear. Surprise us, tease us and enlighten us and our readers. Although we do write about chainstores from time to time (because sometimes they surprise us with a must have item), the reality is, we love independent designers, we don’t know you yet, and we want to. Our signature event, Operation Aisle Style held at the W Hotel in San Francisco showcased alterna-bridal indie fashion at its best. We live for the underground, the road less travelled and a more sublime approach to predictable wedding day offerings. We want to exalt you, your passion and the creative juice you put into your collections. All content on Antibride.com will be shared with Destinationidomag.com, the #1 Destination Honeymoon Romance Travel magazine in the world, circulation 100,000 with a 60,000 online subscriber base.

Submission Requirements:
Photos: 3-6 photos of your best work
Artists Bio: A 300-500 word missive on you, your design and how your work caters to the alterna-bridal audience.

Email us, and let’s get your name in lights.

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