The “Social Butterfly” Wedding Party Dilemma

One of the most hair wringing, frustrating tasks for me while planning our wedding has been choosing my side of the bridal party. I have had a major dilemma trying to decide who would help me wipe my tears as Melissa says her vows.

As an over-achiever social butterfly, I have quite a few people who I consider to be my “chosen family.” These groups include friends from childhood, my amazing college friends, and my tight knit group of friends in California. How could I possibly not stress about it? My desire to include everyone has become a major sticking point. One thing that Melissa had to remind me of was that as brides on a tight budget, we realistically can’t invite everyone that we want – and the fact that we are able to at least invite those people to our wedding is special.  On that note, I am truly honored that these four people agreed to join my side of the bridal party:

My maid of honor, Kelly, has been one of my closest friends since we both dove out of our self-imposed closets and stormed West Hollywood together. Kelly and I were inseparable for years before I moved back to Chicago – roommates who relished our Sunday morning Baja Fresh brunches, weekend trips to San Francisco Pride, Dinah Shore(aka Lesbian Spring Break), and the fact that our incessant, ridiculous knowledge of all things pop culture, drove everyone around us absolutely batty.

Lori is one of my oldest and dearest friends. We met in college as two of the oddballs surrounded by preppy kids who were working towards a degree in Communications. She has been a lifeline since I moved back to Chicago ,and has always had the uncanny ability to keep our friendship going despite my years of distance.

Clare and I met ten years ago, when I was a smarty-pants 26 year old Internet producer who was sent over the pond to help launch a UK website.  I think we got off on the wrong foot, but then she took me under her wing and my time in England holds some of my fondest memories. We have stayed close and have collaborated on an online writing project called Thirty Voices a few years ago.

Shai is another member of my tight knit group of friends in California. I spent many historic San Francisco Pride weekends with him and even after thinking the grass was greener in the queer mecca, tried to move there in 2004. We now fondly refer to that time as my “6 week, $4,000 vacation.”

I had one more person I wanted to add, another close friend from college, but Melissa and I needed her in another role. We thought that someone who relishes in the power of the written word as much as Jenny does would honor us by performing the ceremony. Thankfully, she agreed!

In the end we both have four of our closest peeps (Melissa’s side includes her two oldest and dearest friends from high school, Amantha and Gudrin; her sister Stefani and brother Christopher) standing next to us along with the rest of our immediate family under the Chuppah.

Despite my initial dreams of having an insane amount of people in our wedding party, I realized that I needed to learn the value of compromise and be thoughtful towards my partner.  After all, I’m not the only VIB (very important bride) in this scenario!

About the Authors/Queerlywed.com

Melissa Johns

Melissa is the co-founder of Queerly Wed, a new website dedicated to helping LGBTQ couples plan their big day. She is an activist within the LGBTQ Community and has volunteered her services at many grassroots organizations over the years. Melissa is also an avid cyclist and won two silver medals at Gay Games VII, which was held in Chicago in 2006. She is also a lifelong student and enjoys studying Latin-American culture, photography and languages.

Stacy Jill Jacobs

Stacy is the co-founder of Queerly Wed, a new website dedicated to helping LGBTQ couples plan their big day.  Stacy is a writer, marketing nerd, and web geek grrl all wrapped up into one package.  Stacy has worked in the interactive field for many years including roles at eToys (US & UK) and Ticketmaster. Stacy became a professional queer when in 2005, she served as the Ticketing Manager for Gay Games VII. You can catch Stacy on her website at www.stacyjilljacobs.com or on Twitter at @StacyJill

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