Posts Tagged ‘Queer Weddings’

Stacey Jill's parents wedding, circa 1972.

Despite the fact that I have forgotten most of the Hebrew taught to me as a child, I still identify as a “Cultural Jew.”  These days, Melissa nor I are tied to one faith and at first thought many of the typical traditions would have to be thrown out the window. However, we decided that we should go ahead and pick the rituals that  we felt would signify our relationship with each other and our families.

The Chuppah
According to Wikipedia, the Jewish tradition of having a “Chuppah” symbolizes the home the couple will build together.  We are ignoring the part of the definition that says a man now takes control and demonstrates his ability to take care of his woman.  Instead, we are looking towards the story of Abraham and Sarah, who according to Chabad.org, always allowed guests to stay in their home. This act demonstrates the couple’s commitment to establish a home which will always be open to guests.

The Breaking of the Glass
This is said to have many different types of symbolism attached to it. One explanation of this custom seemed to speak to our social activist selves:  “ It is a reminder of the broken and fragmentary nature of reality, and hence a reminder to engage in spiritual repair of the world[45]” (excerpted from Wikipedia). I feel that this speaks to our passion for social activism. We found in the beginning of our relationship that both of us are very passionate about fighting for the good in the world.

The Unity Candle
This is meant to signify the joining of two families and seemed to fit us as this is very important to both of us. We are actually very lucky to have loving and supportive families who will be participating in the ceremony.

As an Anti-Bride, what traditions are you going to keep, create or leave at the altar?

Joke: What does a lesbian bring on the second date? Answer: A U-Haul!

Stacy and I knew pretty much within the first month that we were “meant to be”. Like we kept saying: “when you know, you know”. However, we didn’t want to be those typical lesbians and do the U-Haul thing. Stacy moved in with me after four months of dating (okay, slightly U-Haul-ish, but not bad!). Things were going swimmingly! As time passed, eventually our initial euphoria dissipated and we still loved each other despite the “quirks” we learned about each other. December rolled around and we had been “dating” for 10 months. The wise words of advice I’ve always heard was to date at least a year before deciding to marry. Well, I thought, isn’t 10 months close enough?

With giddy excitement, I began to plot asking Stacy to marry me around Christmas. We were going to spend the holidays with my very good friends in New York, so I thought popping the question there would be so romantic! I don’t know about you, but I like to sort of check in with my significant other to make sure that one of us isn’t buying 20 presents while the other buys three. So, I told Stacy, “Hey, just so you know, I’m planning to get you 3 smaller presents and one really big one.” She looked at me and said, “Me too!” We looked at each other with suspicion. So, from that moment on, we were so happy and giggly about the surprise that we knew was coming. We knew what, but we didn’t know when, so we managed to keep that a surprise.

The farce of a secret grew even more ridiculous when we went shopping for rings together! We found rings that were perfect for each other’s styles. And they were the last ones the store had. Our cheesy selves thought “Oh, another sign!” We both wanted rings because we both wanted our day. Who doesn’t want someone to profess their love to you and ask you to spend the rest of your life with them?

We arrived to New York a few days before Christmas. Nothing happened and nothing happened. Christmas Day arrives and we’re all opening presents. Stacy had made me a scrapbook of our first year together. I was looking at it page by page, feeling really touched. The last page asked, “Will you marry me?” at which point Stacy whipped out the ring and presented it to me. With teary eyes I said yes.

So, the pressure was on me to propose to her. We were out and about one day doing touristy things and had to meet my friend at night for a performance. I knew I wanted to take her down to the Rockefeller Center and propose in front of the tree. I had lofty plans of getting down on one knee.  But time was running short. I convinced her to catch a cab with me to that area and it was packed! Getting down on one knee was going to be sort of tricky. I was kind of freaking out because there also wasn’t really a place to talk quietly. Finally I found a place and we sat. I was so nervous I couldn’t believe it! I said something that I can’t even remember now and asked her to marry me. Of course she said yes!

And so the planning process began…

About the Authors/Queerlywed.com

Melissa Johns

Melissa is the co-founder of Queerly Wed, a new website dedicated to helping LGBTQ couples plan their big day. She is an activist within the LGBTQ Community and has volunteered her services at many grassroots organizations over the years. Melissa is also an avid cyclist and won two silver medals at Gay Games VII, which was held in Chicago in 2006. She is also a lifelong student and enjoys studying Latin-American culture, photography and languages.

Stacy Jill Jacobs

Stacy is the co-founder of Queerly Wed, a new website dedicated to helping LGBTQ couples plan their big day.  Stacy is a writer, marketing nerd, and web geek grrl all wrapped up into one package.  Stacy has worked in the interactive field for many years including roles at eToys (US & UK) and Ticketmaster. Stacy became a professional queer when in 2005, she served as the Ticketing Manager for Gay Games VII. You can catch Stacy on her website at www.stacyjilljacobs.com or on Twitter at @StacyJill